How to Have the Conversations You Don’t Want to Have

I finally got around to watching most of Bridgerton. The Netflix series that had everyone buzzing several months back. I enjoyed it, but when the two main characters started having marital trouble, I had to scream into my pillow.

Dang, just have a conversation!!

We can’t have television drama if we have healthy conversations. But seriously [spoiler], the man you love announces to you that he won’t have children right before you’re married, and you don’t ask what’s up with that?

That’s on you, boo!

Challenging conversations are, well, challenging. We don’t like to have them with others. And we don’t want others to have them with us. Consequently, we aren’t very good at them because we avoid having them as much as possible.

However, many situations only get worse without having a conversation. And we CAN get better at these conversations with an intention to do better and attention to the things that will help us get there.

Here are a few things to consider before, during, and after the conversation.


1. Be clear on your purpose for having the conversation. What is an ideal outcome? What do you want for yourself? What do you want for the other person? What do you want for the relationship?

2. Consider the other person’s point of view. Before going to war with someone, take the time to see things from their perspective. They might have a valid issue that you haven’t considered. It’s not easy to do this, but those that deal with people effectively are good at stepping into someone else’s shoes.


3. Start the conversation off on the right foot. Here are some ways to start a conversation that won’t immediately put the other person on the defense.

4. Have the conversation at the right place and time. Most difficult conversations need to be done in private and at a time when everyone involved has enough time to participate and process their thoughts.

5. Start with curiosity. Pretend you don’t know anything about the situation (you may not know as much as you think). And try to learn as much as you can about the other person’s perspective. What do they want? What are they not saying?

6. Identify behavior but leave the person alone. Suppose you don’t like that your partner leaves their wet bath towel on the bathroom floor.

7. If it gets heated, acknowledge and return to your purpose. Having that anchor can help you not get hooked into the emotional state of the person you’re speaking to.


8. Forgive the other person and yourself, especially if it doesn’t go as well as you hoped. 

9. Do something positive afterward. Avoid going back to your neutral corners after a difficult talk.

Who do you need to have a challenging conversation with? What could be solved by having this conversation?

No one enjoys having these conversations, but with practice, you can get better at them.

Reach out to me at; if you have any other tips or if you’ve found this article helpful, I’d love to hear from you.