Not that ol’ assumption again

Earlier in the week, I asked the folks in my group coaching program, “What are the assumptions you’re making about your life, career, or relationships?” The question started a great conversation and revealed deep revelations.  

I won’t tell you what the group members came up with, but I will tell you some of my old assumptions because I think it’s important for you to know that we ALL do it and then we behave as if these assumptions are true.

Here are a few that I wrote down a few years ago.

• Building a business is hard.
• Clients won’t pay for my services.
• I don’t have enough business to have a team.
• Clients will only pay me a small amount of money.
• Group coaching will be more challenging than 1:1.
• You’ve got to have some kind of connections to be a speaker.
• I can’t ask for help; people won’t want to help me.
• Men my age are all looking for someone younger.

I can see how small I kept myself by looking at these statements now. Fortunately, over time I began questioning every one of these assumptions.

Here are some of the questions I ask myself about any assumption I make – and yep, I still make them.

“How did I come up with this assumption?”
“What would happen if I challenged this assumption?”
“What if I believed the opposite was true?”
“How can I test the opposite of this assumption?”

I can tell you that everyone one of these assumptions has proven false. But here’s the deal – I would still believe them to be true If I hadn’t questioned and challenged them, and did something different. I had to generate the evidence to let go of the assumption.

Here’s how I’ve reframed my old assumptions:

• I don’t know how to do everything yet to build the kind of business I want, but I’m actively learning.
• Clients will happily trade their money for the value of transformation I create in their lives.
• Hiring contractors can help me build my business.
• The right clients will recognize my value and be willing to invest in themselves.

• Group coaching is yet another muscle to build, and it’s fun to learn and expand my toolbox.
• Connections are beneficial to getting started as a speaker, and I have them and continue to cultivate more. Every person I serve well becomes a connection.
• People love to help people who are passionately pursuing a mission.
• Many men are attracted to a woman with silver hair and a great sense of humor; just ask Keanu Reeves.

What are the assumptions you’re making in your life? Sometimes they’re difficult to spot because you believe in them so strongly you’re living as if they’re fact.

That’s why coaching is helpful because someone else can challenge your perceptions. A coach can see what we can’t always know about ourselves.