I turned 54 yesterday.
Fifty-four years on this planet.
I’ve never thought too much about my age. I feel like I’m about 35. I know in some ways I’m lucky, I look youthful, I think youthful, I’m healthy of mind and body. I don’t have a lot of vices…except sugar. Man, that’s been a tough one to tame.
But I’m making a transition right now that’s so meaningless on the grand scale of things, but I’m really wrestling with it internally.
You see, I’ve been dying my hair blonde for the last 15 years. For the last several years I’ve done it myself with the help of ESalon. They provide an excellent service of creating hair-coloring specifically mixed for you; they mail it to you and then all you have to do is color your hair.
But right around May of 2020 my silver roots were coming in, I had my box of coloring ready to go and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I just didn’t want to take the time or make the effort. I wasn’t out in the public regularly. I was fine with me.
My motivation and purpose to do it had dried up.
I received another box in July and one in September before I realized…
I don’t think I’m going back.
In this blog post I wanted to share with you three things to keep in mind when you are purposefully changing something in your life. It can be really hard to unbundle yourself from the expectations of the world and move into what your heart and soul really want; especially if that thing is tied up in other people’s expectations of you.
Here’s the first tip.
Be Kind and Compassionate With Yourself Change is Difficult
First of all cut yourself some slack. For some of this it’s a really hard thing to do, to go against the grain of the story we’ve been told our whole life. That narrative that we’ll be happy once we have the right car, a well paying job, when we’re retired, when we have the “right” body, the clear complexion, the full lips, long lashes, perfect brows, whiter teeth.
It’s really hard to separate ourselves from that narrative because we’ve heard it our entire lives and it is deeply ingrained into our belief system. We believe this to be true. But it is utter BS!
We may be happier for a moment but it is not long lasting happiness, and in fact these things may actually bring us misery in the future because they can become a burden. The car payments, the job that pays well but it is sucking your soul dry, the upkeep and maintenance spending time and money in order to present yourself in a way that society has said is acceptable. It can become a burden if you don’t enjoy the process.
Be Clear on Why You’re Making the Change Will Help You Stick With It
Come back to your heart, what does your second brain…your heart want in this matter? Often we do things because we think that if we present ourselves in a certain way we will gain love and acceptance.
And perhaps you will, for a while. But how secure is that love if you don’t feel like you can show up exactly as you are and still receive it?
I’ve had to go back and forth with this one as my silver gets more and more predominant. The world has told me for years that grey haired women are unattractive and old. As a single woman I kept dying my hair because I honestly believed that a man wouldn’t want someone with gray hair.
What kind of crap story is that? I surely wouldn’t care if a quality man had gray hair or no hair. I would hope that the kind of man I want to bring in my life would feel the same. Otherwise they’re just not worth my time.
So, why am I choosing to not dye my hair any longer? I simply got tired of it. I got tired of living the belief that having a certain hair color meant I was somehow more beautiful or worthy.
When you’re making a change that you know will upset others or go against the grain ask yourself this question: “Which direction takes me closer to freedom?” That is where your happiness lives.
This is Your Life…You Can ALWAYS change your mind.
I still have three hair coloring kits in my bathroom cupboards. I know that if I really want to I can go back and spend one hour and my hair will be back to a beautiful blonde color. Thank you again, ESalon!
I wouldn’t have to say anything, explain it to anyone, or make any excuses. This is MY life. There’s freedom in knowing I can go back. The same applies to you, in whatever change you want to make. Knowing that helps, it’s like an emotional safety net.
But for now, I’m getting used to my silvers. I like how they catch the sun and shine differently than my blonde hair. And I really like the idea of changing the perceptions that people may have of “older” women.
Especially the older women themselves.
That we are still beautiful, intelligent and wise…and yes, a quality man would find the mind underneath these silver hairs sexy as hell.
If you’re deciding to let go of some societal norm of what beauty is, or making a bigger transitional change in your life like: ending a job, ending a relationship, moving to a new city or starting a new business, I hope you’ll take these three tips with you.
You’ve got this, I know you do, but if you’d like some help along the way I’m here for you. You can sign up here for a free 30 minute session to see how I might help you on your journey.